A  Russian biologist to Putin: why spend the money on novichok when we can achieve the same objective very cheaply by using caterpillars?

We’ve been breeding them for some time and we’ve discovered that in their primal state they are harmful enough. Recently we’ve been injecting them with a toxic ingredient which, if coming into human contact, can be lethal.

One question, Mr President: we’d like to identify these caterpillars by name. Would you approve the name putipillar?